Do you still have your period?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
