he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
