I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Randomize
