You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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