Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
