I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
