community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
