im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
