I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
