so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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