Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We left the knife in your bed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
