I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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