cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am midnight drunk by noon
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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