don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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