two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
