Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
