im about as happy as oj after his trial
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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