Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
