I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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