That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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