I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
