I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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