im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
as a side note pls kill me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
