you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
