My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
