I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
