I smell stomach acid.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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