I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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