I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
