are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
