I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
