I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
