You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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