so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
