I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
