"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
don't judge my taste in strippers
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
