Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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