About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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