need another drink. this is the easiest way
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
