she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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