Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
