how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
