Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
