i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
