I got chris browned last night
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
