I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
