I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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