So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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