I want you more than these girls want KFC
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
