Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
