Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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