Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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