My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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