I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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