I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
