She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
